At 7 weeks

So, let's get back to the deets. Tomorrow, it will be exactly 3 weeks since I found out so that would make me around.. 7 weeks?

 I can't even describe what it physically feels like - not the best thing ever, but just, different. Like the suffering (not the unbearable kind) is for a good cause. The past 3 weeks have been exhausting. On many days, I feel like I can't quite make it out of bed. I'm pretty much beat once I get home after work. I feel annoyingly not in control of my body. Oh, and I pretty much have symptom possible.
Including mood swings - P was !! when I burst out crying after being extremely angry when I discovered that my much awaited iPhone had not been delivered in time. Also, find overly emo and moved to tears by things. Like Cinema Paradiso (loved it so much) and when *that thing* happened on GoT and I was pretty much inconsolable.

At other times, I am filled with curiosity, wonder and apprehension for what's coming for the next seven months. I feel like super dependent on P - like I possible could not do this alone. My heart goes out to all the single moms out there, who are forced to do this on their own, and a huge amount of respect for those who choose to! And, respect for moms everywhere, for that reason, and what they put their bodies through for this.

Every time I experience a weird symptom, I google it, and I am relieved by the fact that all of it is normal, and experienced by other women too. I will spare you the details. A part of me is excited for the baby who (I hope and pray) is going to arrive safe and healthy through all of his bodily drama. Another part is nervous and anxious, about all that lies ahead - from being proper pregnant, to labour, to other responsibilities, real and imaged. Oh new found respect for Peeyush aka the father of my child. Feels super strange to say that. I just feel supremely grateful to experience all of this with him.

By the way, the major foodie me , just does not find any kind of food appealing. You'd think when I finally get a chance to eat everything (cheese, without guilt, for instance?) I'd be able to, but no! The only thing I feel like eating (without feeling nauseous) is fruit. (for good reason huh). I crave homey, comforting food which does not smell. Stuff which I don't particularly love - idlis and puttu, for example.

All kinds of smells make me queasy.Even completely normal smells, The smell of rice cooking,  Indian spices, nail polish, even things as mundane as the empty wrapper of microwave popcorn!!

All this sounds so typical eh, stuff you read or hear about or can sort of understand/empathise with from a distance? Truth be told, it really is a strange and new world for every pregnant woman, and needless to say you have to be in her shoes to really get it.

I feel oddly humbled, you just cannot judge anyone or anything without having been there yourself. Growing a new life within you sort of forces you see the world from a new perspective. I now understand how powerful the need to have a child is, and again I find myself empathising with new groups of people - those who lose a child, those who cannot have one, those who adopt, those who make sacrifices for their child, choose paths they previously would not choose before they had a child. It really is a giving up of your self, and prior to what I earlier imagined it feels more natural, than forced. I guess that's how all those parents feel. Maybe I am one of them now.